"This bottle of Viagra was full two days ago"

The art of oral sex

Test your stupidity

First computer

I think I promised to have 3 beers and be home by 10. I always get those two mixed up

A woman has the last word in every arguments....

....anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try

Someone else is happy with less than what you have

Normal is an illusion. Whatever normal for the spider is chaos for the fly

 

Knowing the truth, seeing the truth, but still believing the lies

 

  

Whatever or whoever makes you feel alive and free and grateful. Stay close

 

Celebrating anything without alcohol is like a blue film on a radio

I have a hard on

Nothing will bring you greater peace than minding your own business

It feels good to be lost in the right direction

The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality

Be someone's sunshine when their skies are grey

The best rehab center in the world

Can a woman make you a millionaire? Yes if you are a billionaire

I think my favorite feeling is laughing with someone and...

Stop trying to make everyone happy. You are not Tequila

Pre menstrual syndrome

You are born an original. Don't die a copy

This little fish will eat your house, car and bank account if you are not careful

Behind every hangover, there is a promise of never drinking again

Then I will know you much better

Camel ride in Egypt

First they ignore you....

Then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win

It's me.... talking to the wine

When shit happens, turn it into fertilizer

The difference in winning and losing is most often ..not quitting

Arsenal fans...50% off...

It's time for champions league

Shortest horror story ever

Tomorrow is monday

"Ohhh I'm coming"

Never give your power to anyone else

You are afraid to take that first step

"The map shows we are in the wrong direction"

May be its not always about tying to fix something broken..

Be careful when you blindly following the masses, sometimes the M is silent

I have finally reached the age where I can't function without my glasses, especially if they are empty

"I meant into the bottle"

Enough of jokes on ladies. Now its time for some male bashing (For a change).

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?

A: Puppies grow up

"Ociffer...I swear to drunk....."

I just remembered...

"You want me on top"

If you dont leave your past in the past...

 

According to statistics, one in four men is happy

 

  

Marriage is like public toilet.....

Behind every angry woman, stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

"I intended to complain..."