Are you good at any sport?

Dude I'm sorry

Why do you refuse to denounce the devi?

How come you married her sister?

The Story of the Donkey and Tiger

*The Story of the Donkey and Tiger*

The donkey told the tiger: 

′′The grass is blue". 

The tiger replied: 

′′No, the grass is green".

The discussion became heated up, and the two decided to submit the issue to arbitration, and to do so they approached the lion, King of the Jungle. 

Before reaching the clearing in the forest where the lion was sitting on his throne, the donkey started screaming:

′′Your Highness, is it true that grass is blue?".

The lion replied:

"True, the grass is blue". 

The donkey rushed forward and continued: 

′′The tiger disagrees with me and contradicts me and annoys me please punish him".

The king then declared:

′′The tiger will be punished with 5 years of silence".

The donkey jumped for joy and went on his way, content and repeating:

′′The grass is blue"...

The tiger accepted his punishment, but he asked the lion:

′′Your Majesty, why have you punished me, after all, the grass is green?"

The lion replied:

′′In fact, the grass is green".

The tiger asked:

′′So why do you punish me?"

The lion replied:

′′That has nothing to do with the question of whether the grass is blue or green. The punishment is because it is not possible for a brave, intelligent creature like you to waste time arguing with a donkey, and on top of that to come and bother me with that question".

The worst waste of time is arguing with the fool and fanatic who doesn't care about truth or reality, but only the victory of their beliefs and illusions. Never waste time on discussions that make no sense... There are people who for all the evidence presented to them, do not have the ability to understand, and others who are blinded by ego, hatred and resentment, and the only thing that they want is to be right even if they aren’t. When ignorance screams, intelligence shuts up. Your peace and tranquility are worth more.

             *🙏Good Morning🙏*

"Mercury is in Uranus right now."

During his routine medical check, the long suffering patient asked the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it", said the doctor,  "Mercury is in Uranus right now."

The patient said, " I don't believe in any of that astrology nonsense."

 "Neither do I", replied the doctor,  "My thermometer just broke in your ass."

St.Peter at the pearly gates

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said. 

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

If it doesn't go well ..

Henry, mom and math homework

I rented a house

It hasn't affected my brothers

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. 

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. 

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, 

"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. 

It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.

One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado. 

When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. 

So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. 

He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. 

All the regulars take notice and fall silent. 

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my 

condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.

"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

“It hasn't affected my brothers though."

Your name is one the front of your suitcase...

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous detective Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling self- deprecating tales.

In one situation, he was waiting at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris. 

When a taxi pulled up, he placed his suitcase in the car and took a seat

next to it."Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?" asked the taxi driver.

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver whether he knew him by sight.

*"No, sir, I have never seen you before."*

The puzzled Doyle asked him how he knew he was Conan Doyle.

*"This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in 7Marseilles. This is the taxi-stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you're a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. And so, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."*

Doyle remarked, "This is truly amazing. You are a real-life counterpart to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes."

*"There is one other thing," the driver said.*

"What is that?"

*"Your name is on the front of your suitcase."*

Are they treating you alright?

I have seen you before

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous detective Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling self- deprecating tales. In one situation, he was waiting at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris. 

Wrong question..

A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel. 

At Moscow airport, customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked him, "What is this?"

Assumptions can be dangerous!

On the first day of school, the  children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.
 

Joe and his boss

Joe was a house-keeper who had this habit of drinking from his boss’s wine bottle and replacing it with water. ...

The Cat and the Sausage...

One day a little cat was walking through the park when she came across a pond.

She peered into the pond and noticed that at the bottom
 of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage.


So as the water wasn't that deep,
 She reached in with her little paw,
 and hooked the sausage out and ate it.

The next day the cat was walking through the park
again and she peered into the pond again
and saw there was another sausage
 but this time it was a normal sized one

So the cat reached in but . this time she had to put
 her whole arm into the pond.
The cat hooked the sausage out and ate it.

 The next day the cat looked into the pond and found an enormous Cumberland sausage
at the bottom of the pond.

 It looked so delicious,
but it was so huge
that She had to actually
 put her whole body into the pond to get the sausage.

She ate it and found it very tasty!

THE MORAL OF THE STORY
is
(you're gonna love this !)


😛
😜
😝
😸
😜
 The bigger the Sausage - the wetter the Pussy!

Age with grace, enjoy life !

*Age matters! 🤔*

*A group of old friends, all aged about 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch for their reunion.*

Jesus is watching you

A burglar broke into a home. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you".